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By Alyssa, May 16, 2010 7:43 am

Dishwasher to empty.  Laundry to fold.  Floor to sweep.  Dishes to wash.  Toilets to scrub.  Laundry to wash.

This list runs like a teleprompter in my head.  Being at home with my boys means, well… we’re home and thus the house gets dirtier faster.  In between wrangling my toddlers, I seem to always be cleaning.  I’m in a bible study with a group of other toddler moms and we were discussing how easy it is to become depressed by the situation.  Usually these tasks are just done and our family doesn’t notice that someone is doing them.  Being applauded and appreciated every minute of the day isn’t a common theme associated with staying home with the kids.

I listened to my friends encourage one another while addressing the dull and dreary of stay-at-home mom life and as the conversation lulled, I piped up, “I know that there are times when I am frustrated by the monotony of chores, but I don’t think I’ve ever been at a point where I thought I wasn’t supposed to be doing what I’m doing now.”

I continued, bouncing sweet Zeke on my knee, “I think once you have to rely on someone else to raise your kids completely, to run your household, you are always thankful for the time that you have with them.”

Pausing, I tried to word my thoughts.  How could I explain to these women, without coming off as self-righteous, what it was like to completely miss Bubba’s 18 month to two year stage?  When I deployed, he was 17-months-old, a little younger than Zeke’s age now.  I relied on my little sister and a nanny to raise him during the day and my husband to handle everything in between.

I tried to explain, “I’m transitioning Zeke to one nap right now and you’d think I’d be all over it since Bubba was transitioned at this age.  But I didn’t do that job, my little sister, the one in college without kids?  She did it.  I’ve been calling her asking her exactly what she did so that I can repeat it with Zeke.  I never want to have to have someone explain to me the stages of my child again and that’s why I don’t think I will ever regret helping them through their stages now.”

I stopped as my friends continued to talk and discuss.  It wasn’t until I was driving home that afternoon, I realized why I’d always be thankful with my current job.  It was a hard reality to call my sister for advice or completely depend on others to raise my kids, but lots of moms call for advice and employ caretakers.  I think the kicker for me was that when I deployed there was that chance that I would never come back.  When I left I knew that not returning was a possibility.

As I write this post, my dishes need washed and my laundry needs folded, but I know that I came home safe three years ago to be just the woman strong enough to do those chores.  They may not earn me any medals, but being here for my family, getting that chance to provide for them, that’s joy enough for me.

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By Alyssa, February 25, 2010 9:53 pm

So I’m nervous.  For the last year and a half, I’ve squeezed in Army one weekend a month.  I played Army with the National Guard two or three days out of the month before coming home to pick-up mom responsibilities.  Next month, I’ll be full time Army for two weeks.  Full time Army away from my family.  Full time Army in another country.

I’m pretty much set-up to go, packed up most of the Army gear, prepped notes for leaving the kiddos with Nana.  Now, I can’t help but think about all the possible ways I could screw up those two weeks full time Army.  I’m realizing that although I’ve perfected some great skills over the last 18 months, like how to juggle two toddlers and four packages in line at the post office or ways to reward your four-year-old for NOT throwing up on the carpet, they don’t really transfer over to Army business.

Do I still know how to give a good old boring Army briefing?  Can I even remember half of the Army acronyms or how to disassemble a 9mm handgun?  Am I going to be that Army mom that can’t shut-up about her kids and blah blah blah about potty training and teething?  I love raising my kiddos, but I’m not sure whoever is stuck with me in a secured bunker is going to want to hear all about it.

*Sigh*

I think the hard thing for me is that I’ve found I love this mommy gig more than the Army.  Can I make it two weeks without story time and morning snuggles?  I know there have to be other moms out there that dreaded that first day back at the office.  So tell me, what did you do to get back in the game?

P.S. Let’s pray I’m healthy before I head out.  Everyone in this house is currently on antibiotics, but I’m powering through with a slight head cold.  Immuno-mom prevails!

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By Alyssa, November 23, 2009 3:51 pm

I have a confession.  I had a few jealous moments last week.  I keep in touch with a lot of my old Army buddies through Facebook and found myself looking through a few of their photo albums.  Some are assigned to sweet overseas positions in Italy and Germany, while others are teaching as Westpoint or ROTC instructors.  I find it humorous now, not at the moment, that right after spending a day consumed with “What if I’d stayed in?” or “Wouldn’t it be great to travel Europe?”, my entire family was hit with the worst stomach flu in our history.  From Wednesday night to Saturday morning starting with poor Zeke, we took our turns… well, I’m not going to get into the details of it. Let’s just say it wasn’t pretty.

It was about the time that Bubba and I were sprawled out on my bed too weak to watch movies or even sleep that a little perspective SMACKED me in the forehead.  Thank goodness I’m at home!  I couldn’t imagine working and being stuck with that nasty bug.  Not only would I be worried about our health, but I’d have daycare to shuffle, work requirements to get around, and everything else that gets backlogged when you’re sick.  I think the Hollywood “working mom” image, where some fabulously coordinated woman easily juggles wife, mom, work, daycare, groceries, laundry, dishes, is a load of crap!

Thank goodness, Hubby and I are in a position where I can stay home taking care of our boys.  I know a lot of single moms in the Army and dual military couples that have it tough.  They drop their kids off at daycare at 5:30am so they can make it to morning physical fitness and then don’t see them again until 5:30pm. During that 12 hours apart mom and dad are working their tails off, often times bringing work home with them, and then, in those precious few hours before bedtime, they cram quality time, chores, dinner, etc.  I have immense gratitude for these brave men and women.  They have limited choices and do the best they can for their families.

My current phase is staying home with my kiddos.  I don’t know how long this phase will last, but I am so thankful for every minute of it.  I looked at those pictures and lost that thankfulness when I started to think I would never be able to do things like that.  Popular culture tells me as a stay-at-home-mom I will never fulfill my true potential or accomplish my dreams.  Today I stopped believing that.  I may not get to travel as much as I want to now, but that doesn’t mean that I’ll never get to travel.  I would love to be a high school teacher or college professor someday.  Staying home with my boys isn’t keeping me from that.  I’m just postponing it for a bit.  My boys are worth it.

I hate to say thank goodness for that awful stomach flu, but it was perfectly timed.  Nothing like being literally knocked to your knees to understand that there is a purpose in what you are doing each day.  I believe in what I’m doing and know too much about being a working mom to think that I’m missing out.

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By Alyssa, October 6, 2009 3:37 pm

Lately, I love when people ask me what I do.  I know it sounds crazy, but I love talking about being at home with the boys.  When I was in the Army full time, it broke my heart to count the number of hours I was away from Bubba.  I remember staring at my work computer screen while I reasoned that 24 hours in a day minus night-time sleep, minus the morning nap, and minus the afternoon nap… I was only missing a few hours of mom-time, right?  It was hard for me to tell other moms that I was only able to spend a few hours a day with my kiddo.

Now I can’t wait to tell people about it.  When someone asks, “What do you do?” I’m so excited to share my story. I really loved the Army and still do once a month in the National Guard, but leaving it was the best decision I’ve made so far.  Imagine my surprise when I realized some stay-home-mamas feel self-conscious, guilty, even embarrassed that they are “just moms.” I’ve listened to women give excuses why they aren’t working outside of the home as if working as a mom isn’t a real job.

I was recently offered a job to go back to the full time Army again.  I didn’t hesitate in my answer.  ”No, thanks.  I have a full time job now.”  Sure, I don’t get a check every week for the number of dirty diapers I’ve changed or a progress report on my ability to weather toddler tantrums.  Instead I’m paid in kisses and really sticky hugs.  My progress report is my collection of honest statements from Bubba (“You’re my best friend, Mommy” or “Take a nap? You’re not my best friend, Mommy”).

My job as a mom definitely isn’t as publicly recognized as being an Army soldier, but I think it is just as important.  Maybe I should start telling every mom I see, “Thanks for your service” as I would a soldier in uniform.  I’ve learned so much this year, including the fact that my boys need me much more than the Army ever did.  I’ve been called to stay at home with my sons.  I’m just a mom and I wouldn’t trade it for anything.