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By Alyssa, May 16, 2010 7:43 am

Dishwasher to empty.  Laundry to fold.  Floor to sweep.  Dishes to wash.  Toilets to scrub.  Laundry to wash.

This list runs like a teleprompter in my head.  Being at home with my boys means, well… we’re home and thus the house gets dirtier faster.  In between wrangling my toddlers, I seem to always be cleaning.  I’m in a bible study with a group of other toddler moms and we were discussing how easy it is to become depressed by the situation.  Usually these tasks are just done and our family doesn’t notice that someone is doing them.  Being applauded and appreciated every minute of the day isn’t a common theme associated with staying home with the kids.

I listened to my friends encourage one another while addressing the dull and dreary of stay-at-home mom life and as the conversation lulled, I piped up, “I know that there are times when I am frustrated by the monotony of chores, but I don’t think I’ve ever been at a point where I thought I wasn’t supposed to be doing what I’m doing now.”

I continued, bouncing sweet Zeke on my knee, “I think once you have to rely on someone else to raise your kids completely, to run your household, you are always thankful for the time that you have with them.”

Pausing, I tried to word my thoughts.  How could I explain to these women, without coming off as self-righteous, what it was like to completely miss Bubba’s 18 month to two year stage?  When I deployed, he was 17-months-old, a little younger than Zeke’s age now.  I relied on my little sister and a nanny to raise him during the day and my husband to handle everything in between.

I tried to explain, “I’m transitioning Zeke to one nap right now and you’d think I’d be all over it since Bubba was transitioned at this age.  But I didn’t do that job, my little sister, the one in college without kids?  She did it.  I’ve been calling her asking her exactly what she did so that I can repeat it with Zeke.  I never want to have to have someone explain to me the stages of my child again and that’s why I don’t think I will ever regret helping them through their stages now.”

I stopped as my friends continued to talk and discuss.  It wasn’t until I was driving home that afternoon, I realized why I’d always be thankful with my current job.  It was a hard reality to call my sister for advice or completely depend on others to raise my kids, but lots of moms call for advice and employ caretakers.  I think the kicker for me was that when I deployed there was that chance that I would never come back.  When I left I knew that not returning was a possibility.

As I write this post, my dishes need washed and my laundry needs folded, but I know that I came home safe three years ago to be just the woman strong enough to do those chores.  They may not earn me any medals, but being here for my family, getting that chance to provide for them, that’s joy enough for me.

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By Alyssa, April 17, 2010 10:20 am

I had an amazing plan.  I would pack up with seven of my closest girlfriends and spend the weekend in Steamboat Springs, Colorado.  We’d laugh, we’d cry, lots of estrogen would be involved.  Then I realized how much I’d been away from home.  With over two weeks in Korea and then recovering from jet lag, and a trip to the South last week, I’ve barely been here.  My kids and Hubby have noticed.

After a long talk with Hubby, we decided to have a family weekend instead.  I had my regrets, when Zeke’s 45 minute cry-fest coincided with all of my friend’s excited Facebook status updates.  But then Bubba and Zeke fell on me in a group hug, settled down for bed early, and Hubby and I snuggled on the couch for a movie night-in.

I’m sure at this very moment all of my closest friends are laughing and crying and, well, bonding while I’m here with my Hubby and kids.  It was a tough choice, but one of the best decisions I’ve ever made.

P.S.  Hey girlfriends, if you’re reading this I’m attaching the following pictures with captions just as if I was there.

"That was so funny!"

"Wow, these Hot Springs are HOT!"

"And then, when I was five years old..."

"Yes! I am this scary when I'm hungry. Let's eat!"

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By Alyssa, March 3, 2010 10:25 pm

I’m trading in my PB & J encrusted outfits (thanks to my 18-month-old) for boots and Army camo as I head off to train with my National Guard unit tomorrow.  I was going to write a long, witty post to keep you entertained for the next few weeks, but honestly, all I can think about is leaving my sweet little boys.  Hard to believe that three years ago about this time I was saying goodbye to then 18-month-old Bubba as I left for my second deployment to Iraq.  This time is definitely not as painful, but it still isn’t fun.  I’m going to miss Hubby and those boys.

*Sigh* If you want to count down the days until I’m home too, you can make a handy paper chain like this one:

Took Hubby three days to notice it next to the fridge.  He asked me who was going to read the notes to Bubba.  Silly Hubby, along with taking care of our house and the children and your job, of course, you’re going to read my little notes to our son.  He was excited… I think.  Anyway, 17 little paper chains until I’m back with my boys.  The countdown begins…

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By Alyssa, February 16, 2010 12:44 pm

Copyright Alyssa Aarhaus 2010

For the first time since joining the National Guard, I’m leaving my family next month for two weeks of annual training.  It’s been over two years since I deployed and survived my time away from then 18-month-old Bubba. He is old enough now to understand that he doesn’t like it when Mommy is gone and I’ve never left little brother Zeke for more than a day. Much like my last deployment, I feel like the more I concentrate on preparing my kids for my time away the less I actually think about being away.  Here’s a list of what I plan on completing in the next few weeks before I go:

-  Boys’ Schedule:  For Hubby and my mother-in-law filling in during the two weeks, I’m preparing a schedule detailing the boys’ routine: when do they get-up, eat meals, take naps or quiet time, and what are the steps for bedtime.  I’m giving mom-in-law the words to a specific prayer we say every night with Bubba.  I’ll also be listing out example meals for her.  She’s a great cook, so I’m not worried about her ability.  I just want the boys to have their favorite meals while I’m gone.

-  How-to Manual:  Mom-in-law isn’t familiar with some of our fancy appliances so I’ll be leaving directions for those around the house too.  Hard to ensure the boys have clean clothes when programming our washer is like setting up a space launch.

-  Letters and Paper Chains:  I’ve never used this idea but I plan to write little notes to Bubba and Zeke that they can open every day.  I’ve heard of soldiers doing this for their kiddos on a weekly basis when they are gone for months at a time.  I also plan on making a paper chain with Bubba so that after I leave he can pull off rings counting down the days until I’m home.  He loved our Advent paper chain, so I’m hoping he’ll like this one even more.

-  Story Time:  For my second deployment in 2007, I used a small hand-held recorder and taped myself reading Bubba’s favorite bedtime stories.  My sister/nanny told me that she caught my sweet little boy talking to my voice and his books as he had taught himself how to use the recorder.  I also recorded myself with the video camera acting out a cheesy preschool presentation.  Bubba watched this over and over again when I left the last time and even shouted, “MOVIE!” when he saw me on a webcam during the deployment.  I’m using the same tapes two years later for the boys.

The key to any separation from your family is preparation and communication.  This list seems pretty extensive for two weeks, but I’d rather over-prepare… that’s kind of how I operate.  When I think of all of the moms I know on 12-month deployments in harm’s way RIGHT NOW, two weeks doesn’t seem so bad.  My boys probably won’t remember it and, if they do, I hope they remember great meals, Mommy videos, and paper chains, not my absence.

Leaving for more than two weeks?  Here are other resources I found really helpful when I deployed:

- Sesame Street: Talk, Learn, Listen.  Great Website for preschoolers!  Request their free DVD.  Bubba loved it!

- Military One Source Wonderful resource for military members and their families with access to tons of free services.

- Real Warriors Website Great all-inclusive list for kiddos of all ages.