How to shape an Army beret in 10 easy steps!
Step 1:
Order a new, unshaped beret from some Army website and forget that you can now order pre-shaped berets for only a few dollars more. Argghh.
Step 2:
Purchase or dig out from under your bathroom sink several disposable razors to shave beret. With firm strokes starting in the center and circling toward the outside of the beret, shave beret until wool is smooth without fuzz.
Step 3:
Repeat Step 2 for at least 45 minutes as you think of one hundred and fifty-five more important things that you could be doing instead of shaving a wool cap. Discard your dull razor and dig out a new razor as you continue Step 2. Wool fluff pile should be the size of a softball at this point.
Step 4:
Turn your beret inside out and use disposable razor #3 to shave the inside of your beret. You don’t want those little fuzzies in your hair after taking the beret off. Verbally chew yourself out loud for not purchasing pre-shaved and shaped beret while attempting not to wake napping toddlers.
Step 5:
Wet down beret with warm water in the kitchen sink. WARNING: VERY HOT OR BOILING WATER WILL SHRINK BERET. Do not soak, but moisten enough so that wool appears pliable. If shaved correctly, a slight circular pattern should appear on the beret, like this:
Step 6:
Wear wet beret around the house while it forms to your huge noggin. Explain to your four-year-old why you weren’t smart enough to purchase a pre-shaped beret as you make him lunch with wet beret on your head.
Oh, and take unattractive self-portrait documenting progress.
Step 7:
When beret feels only slightly damp, place on counter or area out of 18-month-old’s grasp and allow beret to dry completely.
Step 8:
Several weeks later, remember that you still haven’t finished beret for drill in the morning. Oops. Quickly sew on unit flash (you know, the little patch that goes on the front of your beret?). If sewing machine is unavailable, find someone that has one (takes a little less than 38 seconds to sew on), or get ripped off… ahem, pay an alteration shop to sew yours on for $5.
Flash stitching view from the inside of beret
Step 9:
Label your beret tag and cut off remainder of tag so your peers will never find out how fat your head actually is (7 and 1/2… seriously???).
Step 10:
Finally, tie beret headband string into a knot and cut off ends. If you used really hot water and find that your beret is now a size smaller (Awww, MAN!), cut off knot and pull on headband praying the leather will give a little for your gargantuan cranium.
Now celebrate a good wasted four hours by impersonating that Sergeant Major who always tried to look tough by wearing his beret like this…
Or wear your beret like that almost worthless 2nd Lieutenant that you despised training…
But really, you know that you’re supposed to wear your beret like this (ignore the “not-in-regulation” hair and earrings)…
Hope you had as much fun as I did! Now to bed. Gotta earn this maroon airborne beret by jumping out of a plane in the morning!
© 2010 – 2011, FROM MILITARY TO MOM. All rights reserved.
Related posts:
Army 101, It Made Me Laugh
| 
how to shape a beret, preshaped army beret, shaping an army beret, why shave an army beret
Themocracy
Hurrah!! You make me laugh!! Try not to have too much fun this weekend!!
Love the pics…you are too funny!
you are such a retard. but funny…
Thanks, ladies! Oh and from you, Mustang Sally, I’ll take that as a compliment. lol.
Great tutorial, very simple to follow and it was very funny to read. Thanks for the post.
Really Funny. Nice lesson!
Thank you I have read other pages on shaping a beret your by far is the best. Made me laugh
side story: I still remember trying to shape my first beret while getting prepared for commissioning from ROTC when one of my old SF Majors with 3 purple hearts from Vietnam walks up to me and states “how does it feel not to earn that?” I was just about to ask him for help(that would have been a mistake), glad i found your site very easy and funny to follow!
Matt… ouch!
Not a lot you can say to a dude like that. Glad you like the site!
This would have been soo helpful as a baby lieutenant. I still remember at Ft Knox there was a new kid in our OBC and he wore his beret going the opposite way. Found this site trying to find the preshaven but remembered that I ordered those before and they didnt seem tooo different. Thanks for the step by step, good to habe something to reference.
LOL! There is always that guy in OBC. Glad you enjoyed the post, Charlie. Come back and visit again.
what unit is that patch of?
@kimpunkrock I’m in a Colorado Army Natl Guard unit.
In my search for how to properly shape my beret, I found your website, which by the way is number 4 on a google search of “shaping army beret.” That’s pretty kick ass.
So a couple of things.
1. Your guide is invaluable to a med student who commissioned in the middle of his 3rd year and hasn’t gone to OBLC yet.
2. Your guide is hysterical.
3. Your guide is invaluable.
4. The rest of your site is pretty damn funny too. And mildly inspirational. Mildly. Ok, very. Is it just me that I can’t find the rest of your story, or have you not posted that up there yet?
Thanks, Amar! Good luck in your future Army assignments. Most of my friends were Army medical personnel and I was the crazy one that went to the field. You’ve inspired me to keep at it with “My Story”. Look for a new post this weekend and I’ll be better about getting it finished… I can’t stay in the college days forever.
OOOOO MYYYYYYYY GOOOODD THANK YOU!!! hahaha im in JROTC in high school right now and i just got the berret issued to me soo yea i really needed this most of the other tutorials are just crap, great job now ima see wat my sergeants and major think about it on friday for uniform inspection
wish me luck ohhh yea and im also getting promoted to SERGEANT FIRST CLASS HELLL YEAAA haha
No problem, Robert. Glad you enjoyed and congrats!
this is hilarious…loved reading your instructions and the pictures were helpful of how not to wear your beret and how to wear it…also loved your butter bar comment!!…GREAT!
Glad you enjoyed, Daphne! I was a pretty ridiculous butter bar back in the day.
Well I knew I was going to have to shave my beret so I searched the web on how to shape my beret….for 45 minutes. I finally came across your instructions ma’am and figured she is living a day in my life! I’m going with it! At that time I had aquired the softball size of fuzzies. I just didn’t really get how wet you had to make the beret so I just went all out and this my third beret and by far looks the best! Thanks for the instructions and the laughs! And yep my kids too want to know why I have my beret on. Off to BTA in the A.M…..Drill! Fill! Kill! Hooah!
Glad you enjoyed the instructions, Melissa. What’s BTA??
Battle Training Assembly
thanks for the help and serving. Im being deployed next to AFGAN as 25th Infantry divison.
Thanks for stopping by, PFC Patterson. Safe travels on your deployment!
Thank You for posting this Ma’am.
With my return to BCT coming up tomorrow, I remembered my Drill Sergeants extremely vague instructions to return to BCT with a well groomed and properly shaped beret, and my complete lack of knowledge in how to do so. So I did what any other uninformed moron would do, I googled it. Low and behold your page was the second result and It was very very helpful.
Thank You very much or as we say at E Co. 1-34 IN REGT: “Always Forward”
Thanks for commenting, Pvt Blumer, and good luck to you!
THANK U today i have an JROTC event for my highschool and i just got my beret yesterday very helpful!
Lol, I struggled with and damaged more of these berets than i can count, not realizing for a few bucks more it could be pre-shaped and ready to go…http://www.aftactical.com/u-s-army-pre-shaped-wool-maroon-beret.html
Glad I’m not the only one that missed out on the pre-formed berets!
Thank god for this website!! You saved my life literally!
So glad, Claire!
Haha. I remember my first beret. Someone told me to wear it in the shower,shave it, then wear it soaking wet. That was an interesting one to explain. I needed a link to send to a friend who “lost” the one issued at BCT and this is perfect.
Oh the shower trick… I remember someone telling me to do that with some jump boots too. The crazy things we do for the Army. Thanks for stopping by, Erin!
ma’am,
i’ve heard about those pre-shaped berets but do they really turn out to be like the ones we shave and shape ourselves? i’m going to QM BOLC in a few days and i left this task till now! also! do we wear these at all during that or do we wear patrol caps? i feel that no one ever really answers these questions.
great post though! thanks!
Cidny- Thanks for the comments. I’ve heard pros and cons to the pre-shaped beret but never bought one so can’t tell you personally. Totally depends upon your unit or the school’s policy whether you wear beret all the time or patrol cap. Who knows after the whole “we’re getting rid of the beret” message the Army just sent out. I would have both ready. Good luck at school and thanks for stopping by!
Of course you shrink your beret. North America still doesn’t know how to do a beret British style. The wool part has to be shrunk even though they are now issued smaller. The leather band will stretch back with wear. The style you do it is the only thing that can be individual in Army uniform. Styles change about every 5 years. You can tell just when someone was “in” by his beret style.
Thanks for the comment, Ted!
Ted – That’s why we do it our way, we’re not British. Maybe the British does;t know how to do it American style. We would wear the beret in the shower and shape it there, but also excess dye would come off as well. After which we would set it down and dry out to its’ shape.
LMAO! AIRBORNE!
Thanks helped alot for my Color Guard meet tomorrow!
OMG!!OMG!!!OMG!!!usually i wouldn’t say omg but you made this so simple and easy plus bonus points for being funny, anyway…..THANK YOU!!!!You just save me from making a fool out of myself ’cause i’m new to JCC and only 13 so i had no idea how to work a beret so i almost went to my drill meet tommorrow looking like a messed up, peppy le pew.THANK YOU!!!
Private Nguyen- thanks for stopping by!
Thanks for the tutorial! Just bought a new beret and unit badge and tried it. I normally wear a parachute beret (french, much smaller), but now my regular beret is US Army style.
The guys back at the base wondered about how I did it, but thats now my little secret.
Happy holidays,
Chief Sergeant Major Jonas Frey, Swiss Army
Thanks, Chief Sergeant Major Frey! I’m honored to have someone outside the U.S. grab some info off of the site.
When I was in the military “back in the day” I wore one on occasion at Bragg because much of the time we were in the field wearing other types of headgear. I used to catch HEAT rounds for not wearing mine correctly from the “B” Team personnel! Then again I didn’t have a teacher like you! LOL Eventually I did “get it,” and stayed outta trouble! Great and humorous lesson from the prettiest soldier I’ve ever seen wearing one! You look like you should be on a recruiting poster! Good luck in your career as a soldier and a mom!
Awww, shucks. Thanks, 5THSFG Greg! Come back and visit often.